17 Hilariously Sarcastic Dad Tweets About Father’s Day

17 Hilariously Sarcastic Dad Tweets About Father’s Day

A Home Depot gift card = a chore list.

1.

Breakfast in bed is great…but also not great:

2.

Sometimes we don’t feel the love 100%:

Told my toddler today was Father’s Day and she said “you’re welcome” if you were wondering how the current batch of Generation Z is coming along.

Told my toddler today was Father’s Day and she said “you’re welcome” if you were wondering how the current batch of Generation Z is coming along.

3.

Or we feel it…but briefly:

Kids: [in unison] Happy Father's Day!

Me: I love y-

Kids: [back to regularly scheduled chaos]

#HappyFathersDay

Kids: [in unison] Happy Father’s Day!

Me: I love y-

Kids: [back to regularly scheduled chaos]

#HappyFathersDay

4.

This is to say, we shouldn’t expect too many plans, lol:

It’s 10:30 on Father’s Day. My wife just asked me what I wanted to do today. I said I didn’t know, and she asked me “well, what do you like to do?”

We’ve been together for 18 years.

It’s 10:30 on Father’s Day. My wife just asked me what I wanted to do today. I said I didn’t know, and she asked me “well, what do you like to do?”

We’ve been together for 18 years.

5.

It’s important to lower our expectations about gifts:

6.

This is about as good as we can hope for:

My wife let my kids lose in Target to buy me a Father’s Day gift and they got me two boxes of baseball cards, a Diet Coke, Reese’s and a pack of bacon LMAO 🤣

My wife let my kids lose in Target to buy me a Father’s Day gift and they got me two boxes of baseball cards, a Diet Coke, Reese’s and a pack of bacon LMAO 🤣

7.

And yeah, there’s a high probability our families will pull this one:

Hope I get a chore list cleverly disguised as a Home Depot gift card again this Father's Day.

Hope I get a chore list cleverly disguised as a Home Depot gift card again this Father’s Day.

8.

Deep breaths, dads:

I've been doing house projects nonstop since this lockdown started and I swear to god if I get anything from Home Depot for Father's Day I'm going to destroy everything

I’ve been doing house projects nonstop since this lockdown started and I swear to god if I get anything from Home Depot for Father’s Day I’m going to destroy everything

9.

But hey — maybe we get what we deserve:

For Father’s Day, I doubled my kids’ bread & water, gave them 5 extra minutes of yard time & emptied their buckets. My gifts better be good.

For Father’s Day, I doubled my kids’ bread & water, gave them 5 extra minutes of yard time & emptied their buckets. My gifts better be good.

10.

Father’s Day also has a way of highlighting our mortality:

11.

Like, this is something most people don’t know about us:

12.

Sometimes bad things happen on Father’s Day:

As father’s day is coming to an end, my kid is finally realizing that I am not actually “testing her ice cream for poison” each night by taking a spoonful.

As father’s day is coming to an end, my kid is finally realizing that I am not actually “testing her ice cream for poison” each night by taking a spoonful.

13.

And we shouldn’t expect too much rest:

My kids seem to think that Father’s Day is all about them asking me to do stuff for them.

My kids seem to think that Father’s Day is all about them asking me to do stuff for them.

14.

Often Father’s Day = every day:

Happy Father’s Day! I’m livin’ it up at the *beach **drinking ***beers! 

*sink
**doing
***dishes

Happy Father’s Day! I’m livin’ it up at the *beach **drinking ***beers!

*sink
**doing
***dishes

15.

But there are joys on Father’s Day, like getting to say this:

Dads love saying “every day is kids’ day” on Father’s Day when his kids ask when their special day is

Dads love saying “every day is kids’ day” on Father’s Day when his kids ask when their special day is

16.

Or — zip, bang, whiz, dad joke! — this:

Went out to dinner with my family and the waitress told us happy Father’s Day and my dad replied, “oh these aren’t my kids”

Went out to dinner with my family and the waitress told us happy Father’s Day and my dad replied, “oh these aren’t my kids”

17.

And in the end, we’re sad when it’s over:

Me: i don’t care that father’s day is over. I love being a dad so much, everyday is father’s day.

Wife: try saying it again only this time without the weeping.

Me: i don’t care that father’s day is over. I love being a dad so much, everyday is father’s day.

Wife: try saying it again only this time without the weeping.

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