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A spinning makeup brush cleaner to save you many precious hours you’d normally spend cleaning and drying your brushes. It swirls your brushes in soapy water until leftover makeup, dead skin cells, dirt, and debris are gone, and then it spins the brush until it’s dry.
A pack of bottle-cleaning tablets for anyone whose devotion to caffeine doesn’t outweigh their laziness. It’s OK — these bad boys will do all the cleaning for you.
A two-in-one Hoover carpet cleaner that’ll do the hard work of sucking up dirt, dust, and pet hair *and* steaming your carpets so you can sit back, relax, and enjoy your pristine floor.
Or a smaller, portable Bissell SpotBot, because who wants to spend hours on their hands and knees scrubbing cat vomit from the carpet with a brush? The answer: no one.
Or fully commit to automated cleaning with a robot vacuum so all you have to do is set its cleaning schedule — then you can forget all about it.
An oven cleaner to de-gunk drippings from your last five years’ worth of meals. It can power through baked-on crud, so all you have to do is wipe it clean.
An eyeliner wing stamp if you’re even too lazy to spend the requisite five minutes drawing your wings.
A water bottle holder for anyone whose laziness has reached the point that they just don’t drink water because they can’t be bothered to carry around their water bottle. Now you can attach the bottle to your pants or a bag, so there’s no excuse to not stay hydrated.
A power scrubber that’ll wow you with its results. It’s basically an electric toothbrush, but for cleaning tile grout and hard-to-reach nooks and crannies with minimal effort on your part.
Or a handheld electric scrubber if you want your floors to look like the left side of the tile photo instead of the right side. It comes with three interchangeable heads and can cover a larger surface area if you have more to clean.
And if you want to go all out, a drill brush kit so you can finally enjoy a relaxing soak without feeling like you’re just sitting in filth. No more furiously scrubbing your tub — instead, just attach the brush head and flip the switch on your drill.
An automatic litter box if your cats seemingly take pleasure in making a mess in their litter box and then watching you clean it. Reviewers say that not only does it help reduce the frequency with which their kitties leave surprises *outside* the box, but it also helps reduce the amount of litter that gets tracked into the house. Also, no more scooping poop!
PhoneSoap (which you’ve probably seen on Shark Tank!) so you can sanitize your phone and charge it at the same time. Just sit your phone inside the case and let the UV light zap 99.99% of the germs it’s harboring. Or have fun going to the store, finding the ingredients you need to make your own at-home sanitizing solution, waiting in line to pay, and then actually mixing everything and wiping down your phone. The choice is yours!
A robot mop, because I see you standing there Swiffering your floor, giving it a whopping 2% effort. No one likes mopping their floors — just let the robots do it already.
An ultrasonic jewelry cleaner if you want your rings, earrings, and necklaces to sparkle without having to scrub them by hand with a toothbrush.
A bidet for anyone looking to break up with toilet paper (and the effort of wiping your butt). With a bidet, you can save on TP and enjoy the feeling of a machine cleaning your bum — that is one job I am happy to let the robots have.
A robot window cleaner that’ll make you drop your window cleaner and rag faster than that one guy from your freshman year econ class ghosted you. Reviewers also use it to clean their shower walls and even their floors!
A pack of stain-removing pads to lift pee, poop, vomit, and even wine from carpet. Just place one on the spot and stomp to activate its cleaning powers.
A Revlon hot air brush that’ll transform your wet, tangled, frizzy hair to a sleek and shiny blowout in minutes — minimal effort required. This sure beats blow-drying and then straightening your hair!
A truly ~egg-celent~ rapid egg cooker for whipping up a delicious variety of eggs (think omelets and hard- or soft-boiled) in bulk without ever having to dirty a pan. Reviewers even use it to steam frozen dumplings!
A microwave steam cleaner to melt away the baked-on crud that’s clung to the sides of your microwave since, well, we’re not exactly sure how long it’s been there, but suffice to say it’s been awhile.
A tub of brightening, firming, and rejuvenating eye cream so, with a few quick swipes of your finger, you at least look like you got some sleep (even though you were up until 2 a.m. scrolling through Instagram).
A HyperChiller that’ll cool down your coffee, tea, and wine in 60 seconds — because having to wait even one second more for an iced coffee is unacceptable.
A self-watering planter, because plants are needy and you can’t be bothered to live your life around their watering schedules. The long tongues soak up water that feeds the plants, which means watering your green bbs is one less thing you need to remember.
A mounted brush so you can satisfy your cat’s ceaseless demands for scritches when you don’t have the time or energy to brush them. Just mount it to a corner with the included adhesive strips and watch as your beloved babies leave you for the warm embrace of this gray and white piece of plastic.
An electric jar opener to help you unseal the pasta sauce you’ve been struggling to open — because you’ve already ordered takeout three times this week and your bank account would really appreciate it if you stopped being lazy and actually cooked.
A password logbook for holding all the information your brain is too lazy to remember, like your logins, your router’s IP address, and the 15-character alphanumeric Wi-Fi password your dad set.
A speedy lil’ handheld steamer so you can de-wrinkle your outfit approximately five minutes before you need it. Here’s to crushing that snooze button another three times!
TFW you buy everything on this list and then someone has the audacity to ask you to do something: