According To Britney Spears’ Instagram Post, She Is The Fastest Human On Planet Earth And I’m Here For It

According To Britney Spears’ Instagram Post, She Is The Fastest Human On Planet Earth And I’m Here For It

Not only has Britney Spears recently been heralded as a “communist queen” because she wants to redistribute the wealth in America, but we’ve also just learned that she is the fastest human on this planet, according to her most recent Instagram.

Yesterday she posted her time for the 100-meter dash. It reads 00:05.97, which means 5 seconds and, like, 97… milliseconds?

She elaborated in her caption, saying at first she was running it in 9 (seconds?) but then pushed through her fear and finally ran her first 5 (seconds?) in, once again, the 100-meter dash.

And one Twitter user pointed out that, HOT FRICKETY DAMN, Britney Spears didn’t just run a fast time…she BROKE the WORLD RECORD by four entire seconds!!

In other news, @britneyspears is claiming to have broken the men’s 100m World Record by nearly 4 seconds.

In other news, @britneyspears is claiming to have broken the men’s 100m World Record by nearly 4 seconds.

The current world record holder is Usain Bolt. He’s the fastest man in the world, and his time is 9.58 seconds. Almost twice as slow as Britney’s time.


Google Search Y’all

This also makes Britney only .02 seconds slower than a cheetah. Amazing!!

And while you’ve probably seen this picture of Usain leaving his competition in the dust, there’s another angle of this pic that the media doesn’t want you to see.


Cameron Spencer / Getty Images

And that’s this one.


Cameron Spencer / Getty Images

GO, BRITNEY, GO; WE ALL HAVE YOUR BACK. CAN’T WAIT TO ROOT FOR YOU AT TOKYO IN 2021!!

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