If “Desperate Housewives” Was Made Today, Here’s Who Would Be Cast

If “Desperate Housewives” Was Made Today, Here’s Who Would Be Cast

Desperate Housewives was a noughties icon. The drama, the mystery, the excitement – it had it all. So I thought if it was made today, who would be cast?

Bree Van de Kamp – Rose Byrne


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I think you’ll agree that Rose as Bree would pretty much just be a continuation of her playing Helen in Bridesmaids, something that I, for one, would love to see.

Gabrielle Solis – Naya Rivera


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She’s the most glamourous lady on the Lane, and Naya was the most glamourous girl at Mckinley High – it just makes sense. In a modern-day DH, I imagine Gaby would be some sort of suburban Insta model.

Lynette Scavo – Kate Mckinnon


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Lynette’s a total boss who balances being a career lady with having a billion unruly children, and I just know that Kate could embody her “don’t fuck with me” charm down to a T.

Susan Mayer – Bianca Lawson


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Can’t you imagine baby faced Bianca swapping clothes with her daughter and getting into all of Susan’s clumsy situations?

Edie Britt – Lindsay Lohan


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Edie’s a lady who likes a good time is never too far from exciting drama – this one speaks for itself tbh.

Mary Alice Young – Kristen Bell


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She’s barely on screen, but she’s got the most pivotal role in the show. Kristen knows a thing or two about the afterlife, and she’s got the perfect voice to be the show’s narrator.

John Rowland – Noah Centineo


ABC / Rich Fury / Getty Images

Noah Centineo and Jesse Metcalfe may not have much in common, but one thing is for sure – their looks are admired by men, women, and teens all around the world. This works, don’t @ me.

Tom Scavo – John Krasinski


ABC / Gregg DeGuire / Getty Images

Tom’s the kind of dad who would do anything for his family, and John’s got the whole dedicated act down. Plus, he’s got the perfect comic timing to play the long-suffering husband of a very type-A wife.

Mike Delfino – Chad Michael Murray


ABC / Charley Gallay / Getty Images

He’s a guy with a bit of a past, but a heart of gold. If you ignore the fact that he played an evil guy in Riverdale, Chad’s got the perfect track record to take on the role of Wisteria Lane’s sweetheart.

Carlos Solis – Wilmer Valderama


ABC / Kim Raff / Getty Images

Playing opposite Naya Rivera, these two would easily be Wisteria Lane’s hottest couple (even if she was cheating on him with Noah Centineo).

Rex Van de Kamp – Dylan McDermott


ABC / Amy Sussman / Getty Images

He’s not there for a long time (or a good time), but anyone who’s seen American Horror Story knows that Dylan McDermott has some experience when it comes to playing a dickhead husband.

Julie Mayer – Zendaya


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Zendaya has strong “perfect daughter” energy, and you know that she and Bianca Lawson make an iconic mother/daughter duo.

Andrew Van de Kamp – Lucas Hedges


ACB / Tasos Katopodis / Getty images

Andrew was DH’s most lovable villain, and there’s just something about Lucas’ eyes that say “yes, I’m evil but you’re still gonna root for me.”

Danielle Van de Kamp – Millie Bobby Brown


ABC / Dia Dipasupil / Getty Images

If you follow Millie on Instagram, you know this one makes sense – she’s pretty much the Danielle of today.

Zach Young – Ross Lynch


ABC / Matt Winkelmeyer / Getty Images

Poor Zach didn’t really stand a chance, so whoever played him would always have a rough deal, but don’t you think Ross and Zendaya would be an adorable (but doomed to fail) on screen couple?

Paul Young – Denis O’hare


ABC / Sonia Recchia / Getty Images

I’m not saying the Denis is a creepy guy, I’m sure he’s lovely. But don’t you think he could very believably play the role of a guy who kidnapped a random baby and then murdered his neighbour in cold blood? I think so.

Mrs McClusky – Rita Moreno


ABC / Kevin Winter / Getty Images

I think you’ll agree that the beloved Mrs McClusky gave us some of the show’s best comic relief, and Rita’s funny enough to do the role justice. Can’t you just picture her giving the Scavo twins a well-deserved clip round the ear?

Who would you cast? Let me know in the comments

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